The Lost Boys
by theCalliope
Summary: A best friend and a girlfriend were two things that Spock never thought he'd have. As his ship heads towards the new Vulcan colony, can Spock learn to share his grief and fear with his new found friends? Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

_Note: I usually don't like to write stories chapter-by-chapter (what if I want to change something later?), but I thought I'd give it a try ..._

_Sex/violence to come in future chapters (hence the rating), don't start reading if you don't like that sort of stuff :)_

Sitting in a corner booth, Captain Kirk scanned the restaurant slowly. He seemed to remember that the _Waffle Shack_ had had cute waitresses the last time he had visited, but they must all be at home today. In the back, he could see an elderly woman sorting out packets of syrup and the hostess at the front was clearly pregnant. He sighed, and started thinking about where he could go for lunch when a third woman came out of the back. Kirk grinned. She wasn't stunning, maybe a little dumpy, but she was good enough for a night.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" the woman asked as she reached the table. Kirk looked up at her and paused slightly, to act as if he was suddenly taken with her.

"Of course," he said with a sudden smile.

"You know, those earrings look stunning on you," he added as she poured the coffee.

"My aunt gave them to me!" she replied happily, and she walked off with a bit of a bounce in her step that told Kirk that he would have no problem convincing her to go out with him that evening.

"Good morning," said Spock, waking Kirk from his reverie.

"Good morning," Kirk replied, "I'm glad to see you managed to get away from your girlfriend for a few hours."

"She says that she and her sister need to have something called 'girl time', and I am to return in a couple of hours," Spock said disdainfully.

"You know what that means," Kirk said with a wink and a smirk, "They need to discuss whether or not you're up to snuff."

"I cannot imagine Nyota talking behind my back," Spock snapped reflexively, but felt a pang of worry in his chest.

"Well, Vulcans never did have much of an imagination," Kirk joked.

"How is her family treating you?" he added seriously.

"They are nice enough people," Spock responded, which wasn't exactly a lie. Every word they had said to him had been kind, but there was none of the expected warmth behind the words.

"Well, that's not bad for a girl friend's parents ... I still can't forget the guy that went after me with a phasor rifle."

"Why did he do that?" Spock asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well ... you see, there were two sisters, the big sister and the little sister. And while I started off liking the big sister, I changed my mind and went after the little sister. This made the big sister mad, so she started telling her dad that I was climbing through the little sister's window in the middle of the night."

"Which was untrue," Spock guessed.

"Well ... not exactly," Kirk replied evasively, "It was complicated ..."

"How was it complicated?" Spock spat.

"Well ... well ... that's not the point. The point is that your girlfriend's parents will always be determined not to like you, so you might as well not try."

"So, I should take the lack of weaponry as a positive sign," Spock stated dryly.

"Exactly!" Kirk replied.

Spock pondered this, wondering if Kirk was exaggerating to make him feel better. Nyota had assured him that her parents would love him so many times that he found meeting them nearly upsetting. The worst part was that she didn't even see it. She seemed happy with the way the visit was going. Didn't she see the way her parents glanced at each other every time they mentioned careers or travel or anything they would do together in the future? Didn't she notice her sister motioning towards her ears every time he said something that might not jibe exactly with her viewpoint? Spock wondered what that sister was saying to Nyota at this very minute.

"Anyhow, only two more days on Earth, and then the tables will be turned," Spock heard Kirk say.

"What do you mean by that, Jim?"

"Oh, I just got orders this morning. After shore leave, we're heading to the Vulcan colony."

"What business do we have there?" Spock asked in monotone, hiding his worry.

"Just dropping off some relief supplies before we go off into deep space," Kirk responded, "but we'll make sure to stay for a day or two so you can subject Uhura to your father."

"I do not consider my father to be someone one is subjected to," Spock protested.

"And Uhura thought her parents would love you," Kirk countered.

"I admit, there is the possibility of an asymmetry," Spock replied, but he didn't think there was going to be an asymmetry in this case. He was certain his father would dislike Nyota, and couldn't imagine her liking him.

Kirk laughed.

"Anyhow, you've got two weeks to get prepared."

Two weeks in which Spock would try to avoid thinking about it as much as possible.

"Do you want to go running later today?" Spock asked, trying to change the subject.

"Sorry, I've got a date," Kirk replied.

"With who?" Spock asked.

"Her," said Kirk, indicating the waitress.

Spock resisted his urge to scowl.


	2. Chapter 2

Spock ran into Nyota's sister on his way back to her house. She was riding her horse down the trail a few blocks away.

"You have excellent technique!" Spock yelled out as she walked by.

"I didn't know they had horses on Vulcan," she replied.

"They don't," Spock said, stopping, "But I've seen a few races." He had read up on it when he had found out that Nyota's sister was a competitive rider, hoping to build rapport. Not that it had made any difference. The sister gave him a strange look and rode off.

When he got to the house, Spock found Nyota sitting in her room.

"How was girl time?" he asked.

"Good," she said, staring down at her hands dejectedly, "We did our nails."

"She does not like me," Spock stated, standing behind her.

"She just doesn't understand ... ," she trailed off, not looking up, "None of them do."

Spock braced himself.

"If you want ..." he started, "I mean if you consider this to be insurmountable, I would understand ..."

She stood up, shocked, and turned towards him.

"Spock!" she spat, "You cannot possibly think that I would-"

"But your family does not like me," he interrupted.

"I like you," she said softly, looking him in the eye. She wrapped her arms around him,

"Don't you worry," she whispered, kissing him softly at first and then harder. Her hands travelled up his back, to the points of his ears, down his chest and across the jeans she had made him buy as soon as they landed.

"Nyota," he said, breaking away, "I do not think this is wise."

"No one will come in," she said with a hint of a smile, as if she was posing a challenge.

He stood solidly, with his hands at his side as she began to touch him again. The Vulcan half stabbed, but the human half burned. Finally, he pulled her towards him and started kissing her again. Soon, he had her pinned across the bed and was taking her shirt off.

"Nyota, I have your laundry fold-" a voice rang out, accompanied by the sound of a door opening. Spock head a stunned silence and then the door slam closed again. He looked up.

"You did that on purpose," he stated, keeping his voice steady, sitting up to look his girlfriend in the eye.

"What?" she asked.

"That door has a lock on it. You did that on purpose," he reiterated.

"I'm sorry, I thought she had gone to market ..." she crooned.

"Nyota, you leave less space between your words when you are lying," he replied, keeping his speech level.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, trembling, "I just wanted them to see. They think that you are ..."

"A machine," Spock interjected, reciting what he had heard her sister say once in the distance.

"They didn't say that did they!" she gasped.

"I overheard," Spock replied, indicating his ear exactly the way her sister did. Uhura laughed a little bit before she put her head in her hands and started to sob. Spock put his arms around her.

"They said such awful things," she whimpered, "I don't know how anyone could be so prejudiced ... "

She took a deep breath, suddenly looking enraged,

"They ... they said our children would be mutants," she said in harsh whisper, as if it were difficult to say out loud.

"When the first hybrids were born, a lot of mistakes were made and there were some genetic defects. But that is very uncommon in the present day," Spock corrected, without thinking.

"That makes me feel much better," she snapped sarcastically.

Spock tried again.

"I would not worry," he stated, "They likely do not mean what they are saying. When my father announced that he was marrying my mother, his family said a number of things that were both inaccurate and inpolite. Needless to say, they eventually altered their point of view."

Spock was lying slightly, the extended family still had plenty of negative things to say about both Spock and his father, although their frequency of expressing had decreased over the years.

"I think that might make me feel a bit better," Uhura whispered.

Spock got up and turned the lock, and started to kiss her tenderly, hoping he was right, hoping he wasn't dragging her towards a life she would regret.

****

The Enterprise never had never seemed so welcoming as when Spock retuned to it. Sure, the repair crew had twisted all the knobs of his research station into slightly different directions, and he had to spend half an hour rearranging them, but regardless, he felt at home.

"How was the rest of your shore leave?" Spock asked the captain when he returned.

"Excellent," he proclaimed, "I slept with five different women."

"Good for you," Spock replied, not sure what the correct response was.

"Don't give me that disapproving glare," Kirk scolded, though Spock didn't think his expression had changed at all, "I had to get it out of my system before I got back to the ship where everyone's my subordinate ..."

"Why, have you developed a sudden penchant for following the rules?" Spock queried.

"Says the guy who would never, ever behave inappropriately with someone under his command," Kirk chided. "Don't look so proud of yourself," he added, looking at Spock, who was sure his expression was still neutral.

"But I've come to realize," Kirk continued grandly, "That some rules are there for a reason, and besides, this whole ship thing makes it difficult to eat and run, if you know what I mean."

"I have no desire to know what you mean," Spock snapped.

Kirk laughed.

"How were the in-laws?" he asked after a minute.

"No rifles," Spock replied.

"That good, eh?" Kirk jibed with a smile, "But you know what what means ..."

"What is that?"

"That things can only improve."

Spock sure hoped so.


	3. Chapter 3

On Vulcan, there was no such thing as self-esteem. I was something that Spock had to keep telling himself. That his father meant nothing negative when he told him that he was abdicating his responsibilities and squandering his talent. That to him, it was a simple statement of fact.

Spock sat in front of the Comm. screen, trying to think of what he was going to say to his father. He would have to start by mentioning the visit, and then somehow bring up the fact the he was bringing Nyota with him. Perhaps he could say how vital she was to the mission, but then his father might misinterpret their relationship. No, he would have to be direct. He sat for a moment, summoning his courage before he turned on the screen.

"Hello father," he said as soon as the connection was complete.

"Hello Spock," Sarek replied slowly, "It has been a very long time since I have heard from you."

"I apologize," Spock answered, "I tried to contact you while I was on Earth, but you were not at home."

"And you did not try again," Sarek accused, "Otherwise you would have eventually reached me."

"Perhaps I have not put the effort into contacting you I should have," Spock admitted, "I still find it difficult to talk to you without mother present. I have not yet become accustomed to her death."

"So you are letting your emotions affect your actions," Sarek stated.

"Only my desire to control them," Spock replied dutifully.

"If only I could believe that," Sarek spoke slowly, "But I believe that your emotions have been influencing your actions for some time."

Spock bristled.

"I do not agree," he stated finally.

"First, you declined an offer from the Vulcan Science Academy, which, with help from your mother, I was willing to accept as the foibles of youth. But then, you decided to leave the Vulcan colony when you had a clear responsibility to stay and help repopulate. I am ashamed to have to admit that you left to pursue your own glory."

"It was a logical decision," Spock replied defensively, "Starfleet offered me an excellent opportunity, and I felt I could contribute more than as just one extra Vulcan on the colony."

"What could you possibly contribute in Starfleet?" Sarek demanded.

"We are exploring the universe and performing scientific research."

"Human research," Sarek stated.

"I do not believe there is a difference," Spock replied.

As he spoke, anger welled up inside of him. If there was one thing Spock disliked about Vulcans, it was their arrogance. Sure, there were different types of Vulcans like there were different types of humans, but on average, they tended to believe that they were far superior to other alien races. And his father, Spock knew, certainly fell into that category.

"I am coming to visit next week," Spock said suddenly, changing the topic to avoid an argument.

"What business do you have on the Vulcan colony?"

Spock briefly considered saying that there was no reason, he just felt like a visit to see how his father reacted, but the idea was so laughable he didn't say it.

"We are delivering some relief supplies from Earth."

Sarek lowered his head.

"This is shameful," he said, "I never thought we would see the day where we were taking charity from humans."

"There is nothing to be ashamed of," Spock said matter-of-factly, "I am sure if disaster stuck Earth, Vulcans would do everything they could to assist."

Or at least half-sure, Spock thought bitterly. Maybe the logical decision would be to let such an emotional race fade away.

"Still, it is unfortunate. We will need to make concessions to them that we would once have never had to make."

Spock's rage at his father's arrogance finally exploded. Or perhaps it was his rage at years of hearing his father talk down to his mother.

"What do you mean?" he asked, "That you can no longer interfere with their politics or hide technology or spend your days insulting us?"

Spock froze. He had never intended to use the word until he had said it aloud.

_Us._

He could see an inkling of shock in his father's eyes.

"Spock, you have strayed," he whispered finally.

But for the moment, Spock was beyond caring what he had to say.

"If you will excuse me," he said, "I have duties to attend to."

It was a few minutes later before he realized that he had never told him about Nyota.


	4. Chapter 4

"It was a logical decision. Starfleet offered me an excellent opportunity, and I felt I could contribute more than as just one extra Vulcan on the colony."

Spock replayed this statement in his head as he sat in the meditation position, wondering if it was entirely true.

He had planned to return to the colony up until the day of Nyota's graduation. Spock had attended the ceremony, and then seated himself in a chair near the back of the reception hall. He didn't expect anyone to sit next to him, people usually found it awkward or worried they'd get stuck in a long, boring conversation. The Starfleet Graduation Ceremony, surnames T-Z was no exception.

Nyota had gone off to be with her friends, which didn't bother him. He had never really been comfortable around them, he felt too old, too pale and conspicuously tall. He disliked their tacit aknowledgement of his relationship with Nyota. Spock was relieved to be sitting in the shadows, unnoticed, when Kirk sat next to him.

"Today has got to be the best day of your life," he proclaimed, without saying hello.

Spock turned to look at Kirk, not sure if he was pleased to see him. He didn't know what the best day of his life had been so far, but he was pretty sure it hadn't involved any receptions.

"I am unsure what you mean by that," Spock responded honestly.

"Don't give me that innocent face," Kirk chided, "I'm sure you didn't attend out of a deep love of long, boring ceremonies."

"I came to see my students," he replied.

"But tonight," Kirk said with a sly grin, rubbing his hands together suggestively, "She isn't your _student_ any longer."

Spock knew this well. It was a crutch he was going to miss. But he turned to Kirk and gave him his most disdainful glare.

"That is the last thing on my mind," he stated slowly, with forced monotone. Or maybe the second to last. Or the third to last. Or ... well, it was roving around somewhere up there, but it certainly wasn't anywhere near the forefront.

"Right, Spock," Kirk retorted, with a look that was a little too knowing, "But don't expect me to believe any of those _stories _about what Vulcans don't do."

Spock shivered, slightly unnerved.

"What brings you here?" Spock asked, wondering if this was one of those situations where humans assumed what is true of themselves is true of others.

Kirk passed him a PADD he was holding,

"Jason Zimmerman," he said, indicating a photo in the center, "Have you seen him around?"

"Why do you need to find him," Spock asked.

"He's been assigned to the Enterprise. I've been going to these ceremonies, introducing myself to everyone new, so we won't be strangers when they come aboard. Do you think that's a good idea?"

Spock thought it was an excellent idea, but didn't want to give Kirk the pleasure of a compliment.

"I saw him at the drink table three minutes and nine seconds ago," Spock stated plainly, racking his perfect memory.

"Well, he can't have gone too far in three minutes, nine seconds," Kirk said in what Spock though was a joking tone. He stood up, and did what no else one ever did. He put his hand on Spock's shoulder.

"Good luck," he said with a wink, "And don't work too hard."

And with a quick pat, he was gone.

*****

"Are you sure you don't want to go out with your friends?" Spock asked as soon as he had entered her quarters.

"No thanks," she said with a bit of a grin, "I've had enough drunk parties for a lifetime."

"I just wanted to be sure ... that you do not feel compelled ..."

"Of course not," she said, moving closer and kissing him. It was a kiss that rolled on as she pulled him close and ran her hands though his hair.

"Nyota," he said suddenly, "I have decided to go back."

"What?" she asked, pulling away.

"I have decided to return to the colony and to start a family. It seems like the best option, given the circumstances."

She looked at him, horrified.

"You don't mean that Spock," she said, her expression turning to one of deep disappointment.

"I mean ..." he said slowly, "If it was a matter of solely personal considerations, I would rather stay here with you, but given the possibility of the extinction of the Vulcan race ..."

"You mean," she whispered, with mounting anger, "Rather than stay here with me, you want to go out to New Vulcan and be miserable?"

Spock didn't know what to do except nod.

"Well I hope you're miserable!" she screamed, enraged.

"Nyota," he whispered, "If I had any choice ..."

"Of course you have a choice! Just say you won't go, like you did with the Vulcan Science Academy!" she yelled.

"That was different," he said calmly, lifting a hand to touch her hair. She batted it away.

"Yeah," she screamed, "They would never, truly accept you even if you were one of the last living Vulcans, and now you are one and you come crawling back."

"It isn't ..."

"I think you're racist!" she accused suddenly.

"What?"

"Does it really matter if there are no full Vulcans left? Do you really need to drop everything just because there aren't as many Vulcans in the universe?"

"Nyota, that's only part of ..."

"Isn't that the plan! That you're going to take a Vulcan wife and have Vulcan children, because a human wife isn't good enough ..." she looked deranged as she spoke.

"That is a most convoluted way of interpreting my choice."

"Is it? You know I would have children for you. And you said it didn't matter that I wasn't Vulcan, that you would always be there ... and now ... now I'm not good enough!" her rage seemed to crumple and tears ran down her face.

"I never could have predicted a catastrophe of this magnitude," he whispered desperately, "And it isn't just children. I am more well-versed in our culture and heritage than most. I hope to teach ..."

Then strangely, bizarrely, Nyota began to chuckle. She threw her head back and began to laugh hysterically.

"I don't think ten thousand is enough, Spock," She snorted, "Five thousand? Two thousand? How many do you think they'll need to be down to before they'll let you anywhere near their impressionable youth?"

"Nyota, I just want for you to understand..."

"Get out!" she screamed, "Get out!"

He reached out to touch her, but she slapped his hand away with such force that he was surprised the hand wasn't broken.

He left her on the sofa, in a heap, crying.

***

Leaving her quarters, Spock felt drained. It was all over. There was no more worrying, there was not more fighting, there was no more strategizing. There was nothing left but a deep stab of regret and a feeling that he was going to miss her. That he might miss her already.

Spock didn't want to return to his quarters. He didn't think he could meditate, sleep was out of the question and even his last solace, work and grading was completed for the semester. There would be nothing to do but be alone with his thoughts. He decided to walk through the cadet quarters on this night of celebration, hoping that there would be some messes to clean up, rule-breakers to discipline or medical emergencies to handle. Anything that would keep his mind off of his despair.

"That's not a smile on your face!" a voice rang out. Spock looked down and saw Kirk sitting on the floor, drinking from a bottle of whiskey, looking slightly disoriented.

"Consuming intoxicating beverages in the hallway is prohibited!," Spock barked.

"So court-martial me," Kirk challenged, drawing the bottle up to his mouth, and taking a swig, "I wouldn't be here, except stupid Bones challenges me to a drinking content, claiming he had some delaxapyl to sober me up, only he didn't."

"So you are too intoxicated to walk to the celebration."

"Well, I was there ... but then I followed a girl back, but she wouldn't let me in ..."

"Why not?" Spock asked.

"She said I was _drunk_," Kirk slurred, emphasizing the word as if it was the biggest injustice he had ever experienced.

"Are women usually not so observant?" Spock asked, with raised eyebrows.

"Cheers to that!" Kirk yelled, raising his bottle, causing the liquid to slosh out slightly. Spock stood over him and stared.

"So, why the long face?" Kirk asked eventually.

Spock told him.

"What?!" Kirk demanded in drunken astonishment, "You actually did it. Oh man, oh man."

He proffered his drink towards Spock, as if it would solve all ills.

"No, thanks," Spock said, waving it away. Kirk shrugged his shoulders and took another long swig.

"Did she take it well?" Kirk asked.

Spock racked his brain, trying to think of a word that was the opposite of well.

"I guess not," Kirk said after awhile. He paused to take another sip, "That's too bad, I mean she's smoking hot, but man, she is someone you do not want mad at you."

Kirk's head rolled back, in a slight stupor, and he continued, "Not that it matters, she's so hot, now that you're done with her, I have half a mind to ..."

Spock felt a flash of rage, and before he knew what he was doing, he was on his knees with his hands at Kirk's throat.

"If you value me as a friend ..." he snarled in a tone that meant, "If you value your life."

In his drunkenness, Kirk didn't fight back, but sagged like a rag doll, snapping Spock out of his rage.

"I apologize," he whispered, shaking.

"No, I'm sorry," Kirk said, still gasping slightly, "I shouldn't have said that."

"I will not be offended if you decide to press charges," Spock continued.

"Nonsense," Kirk replied, "But I really think you should have a drink."

"I should have learned by now," Spock said thoughtfully, "That choking you never accomplishes anything."

Kirk threw his head back and laughed hysterically. Then he handed Spock the bottle.

"I cannot drink alcohol," Spock said quietly, "It will do permanent damage to my Vulcan physiology."

But Spock had an idea.

"I have a bottle of Romulan ale back in my quarters ... a gift from the ambassador ... if you want to go have some ... if you can still walk, that is."

Kirk glared at him before he got to his feet.

*****

The pair sat facing each other at Spock's kitchen table as he uncorked the bottle of blue liquid and poured them each a glass. Kirk took a sip and asked,

"This is non-intoxicating, isn't it."

"For humans, yes," Spock replied. Kirk shrugged and tried to pour some whiskey into it. Spock put his hand over the glass to block him.

"This is an excellent vintage," he snapped, "you can tell by the floral scent. It is supposed to be appreciated."

Kirk pushed it away and continued with his whiskey. Spock emptied the glass, and then got up and pulled a half-empty bottle of brandy from the cupboard.

"Have this," he said, slamming it on the table, "I just kept it around for Nyota."

"You would ply your girlfriend with alcohol?" Kirk asked jokingly.

"I only kept it around because she asked repeatedly," Spock snapped, standing up.

"I was joking, I was joking," Kirk yelled, waving him away. Spock let his shoulders drop and went to the cupboard again. He pulled out potato chips. Peanut butter and crackers. Jelly beans. All the food that she liked that he would never eat.

"All yours," he said, sitting down and taking another drink.

Kirk started on the potato chips.

"So what next?" he asked.

"I will take a transport to the colony and set up a home, and then I will enter into an arranged marriage with a Vulcan wife."

"I bet she'll hate you," Kirk sputtered drunkenly.

"Is that based on your understanding of Vulcan women?" Spock asked.

"No, it's based on my understanding of women in general."

Spock considered getting up again to threaten Kirk, but he thought he might be too drunk. He never did have much of a tolerance for Romulan ale. Kirk seemed to sense his anger.

"What I'm trying to say," he corrected, "Is that you're a complicated sort of guy that's only interested in a special sort of girl who is logical and dedicated and intellectual and just happens to be really, really hot." He said the last part with a drunken wink that required most of his face, "And I really thought you had a good thing going with Uhura."

"Children are the most important thing now," Spock countered, with his head spinning.

"And if you had any sense, you would be impregnating her right now, instead of talking to me."

Spock slammed his glass down as hard as he could, but he was so drunk it didn't even break. Kirk took it from him, filled it, and slid it across the table. He drank it. He felt weak.

"You do not know how much I regret having to make this decision, Jim," he said quietly.

"Then don't," Kirk yelled, "I might have a conflict of interest here, but I think you belong on the Enterprise!"

"But it is my responsibility ..."

"Listen to me," Kirk said, leaning across the table and grabbing his shoulders, "I am the voice in your head that is telling you that you've made a mistake. That you don't want to leave Starfleet. That you don't want to leave her."

" But Cadet – I mean Captain .."

"You don't understand," Kirk boomed, "It doesn't matter what you call me. You are no longer Spock the Starfleet officer. You are Spock the Vulcan sperm donor."

Spock thought he might cry, but of course, that would be unprecedented for a Vulcan, so he controlled himself. He picked up the bottle of ale drank straight out of it. It was at that point his memory went blank.

*****

When Spock woke up the next morning, he had lost his will. He checked his vitals, and they told him he was no longer intoxicated, but still, something had changed. When he ran into Spock from the other universe, he just confirmed what he knew already. That leaving Starfleet felt wrong. Or perhaps it was Jim Kirk's final insult hanging in his mind. Regardless, he knew what he had to do.

It was a perfectly logical decision.


	5. Chapter 5

Spock held Nyota in his arms, hoping she wouldn't start talking. He brushed his cheek against hers, inhaling her scent and began kissing her shoulder. He didn't want to face her and make eye contact. He wished she would touch him until his pain went away. He didn't want to talk about it.

"What's wrong Spock?" she asked, as if reading his mind.

"Nothing," he said plainly.

"Spock ..." she warned, turning to look at him. She always looked angry when he wouldn't open up to her.

He wavered, stopping to pull Nyota closer to him and putting his arms across her shoulders.

"I spoke to my father," he said finally.

"And ... ?" she whispered apprehensively.

"He dislikes the fact that the Vulcans are accepting aid from Earth."

Nyota looked Spock in the eyes, stunned.

"You're telling me you're upset because you disagreed with your father about Federation politics?" she spat, sounding both confused and concerned.

"It was the way he said it," Spock tried to explain.

"In monotone?" Nyota asked. He replied before he realized she was joking.

"No, it was as if he thought humans were lower life forms. He spoke ill of my decision to join Starfleet and to leave the colony as well."

Spock left his final thought unsaid. _It was as if he did not really respect me._

"Maybe he misses you," she suggested.

"Unlikely," Spock snapped angrily, wondering why she was taking his father's side.

"My dad tells me horrible things about Starfleet all the time, hoping I'll quit and get an apartment across the street from him."

"I do not believe that this is the case."

"Oh Spock," she whispered, kissing him and then pulling away, "I'm sure deep down he loves you, even if he doesn't say it. I have difficulty believing anything else."

Spock shuddered. It seemed so impossible that his father would do something as illogical as love him. He pulled Nyota close, and kissed her desperately. Her arms closed around him, and soon her breath was heavy. This was good. It meant she wouldn't ask anymore questions.

*****

As soon as Kirk approached him, Spock recognized his expression. It was the I-have-a-request-that-I-know-you-won't-like expression. Often, the we-need-someone-with-superhuman-strength-to-dislodge-a-blockage-in-the-sewage-system-again expression.

"Good morning Spock," he said.

"Good morning, Captain," he responded, not looking up from his console in an attempt to appear too busy to perform whatever task the captain had in mind.

"I was wondering if you know how to play poker," Kirk asked. Spock looked up from his console, surprised by the request.

"I do not believe in gambling," Spock replied.

"But you know the rules," Kirk pressed.

"I did at one point study --"

"Good," Kirk, "Because we've been having a poker night for senior staff for a few weeks now, and I was hoping you could attend."

"I said that I don't—"

"It doesn't actually involve any gambling—we just make the losers put the table away and clean up the room—and you can always help clean up if it helps avoid violating your moral code." Kirk said the last bit with a wink.

"I am not sure if I am interested in a game that involves chance instead of logic," Spock countered.

"Didn't some old Vulcan say that handling risk is one of the more advanced forms of logic?" Kirk asked, "And besides, someone has to come and beat Bones."

"There is no guarantee that I will— " Spock protested.

"I know," Kirk replied with a grin, "But it's just a feeling I have ..."

"Nineteen hundred hours tonight," he continued, patting Spock on the shoulder, and then turning to face the bridge.

"Is that an order?" Spock yelled out.

"Sure, why not," Kirk replied, shrugging with a bit of a smile.

*****

By the evening, Spock was nervous. He wasn't sure if he know how to act at a "poker party", as Nyota put it. And he was worried that he wouldn't really be welcome.

"Don't worry," Nyota said, sensing his concern, "I'm sure it's just an excuse to hang out and relax. It was really nice of Jim to invite you."

Spock was getting sick of being the guy that it was nice to invite to places, but he didn't say anything.

"Have fun!," she yelled as he walked out the door.

When Spock got to Entertainment Room #2, Kirk, McCoy, Chekov and Sulu were already seated with chips in front of them.

"Am I late?" Spock asked as he walked in.

"No, we're just warming up," Kirk replied, motioning him to sit down.

"I thought it was humans only," McCoy complained, looking up from his cards.

Jim shot McCoy a dirty look and Chekov stated,

"I thought zee only requirements vas you has to vork on zee bridge and have a penis."

Spock looked at McCoy disdainfully,

"You are welcome to give me a full examination, Doctor."

Chekov and Sulu snickered.

"I'll take your word for it," McCoy responded dryly, as if he had doubts.

Kirk began to deal, and Sulu spoke up, "I have to leave by 2100 hours, Immogen's complaining that I don't spend enough time with her."

"And she wants you to miss poker? Tell her that you had to work late on the bridge, Captain's orders," Kirk joked.

"I've already done that twice this week," Sulu replied. The table laughed.

"Now Spock," Kirk chided, "I bet you didn't have any trouble convincing Nyota to let you go out tonight."

Spock froze. The truth was that he had so few evening activities that Nyota had found this invitation exciting.

"No, I lack Sulu's skill with women, so I just stay home most nights," Spock replied finally, a little bit embarrassed.

"Convincing the hottest girl on the ship to go out with you, I don't call that a lack of skills," Kirk replied jovially, defending him from his own insult.

"She is not the hottest girl on the ship," Spock corrected automatically "She is the fourth hottest girl on the ship."

Kirk, Sulu and Chekov exploded into raucous laughter, and even McCoy cracked a smiled.

"I cannot believe you just said that," Sulu spat, still laughing.

"Are you looking to upgrade?" Kirk asked, incredulously.

"No, I happen to believe that there are qualities far more important than looks," Spock snapped, truly offended and slightly ashamed of his remark.

"So tell me, Spock, who is the fourth most _logical_ girl on the ship," Kirk asked, and laughter exploded before he could answer. Once it had died off, Kirk draped his hand over Spock's shoulder.

"I hope I didn't offend you," he said, "I know you're not that type of guy. I'm sure you do all of this for the sake of posterity."

"I wish that would work for me," Sulu joked, "I'm sorry dear, I must ogle other girls. It's for the pursuit of knowledge."

The table snickered.

"It does not," Spock interjected.

"Perhaps that's vy his girlfriend von't let him out at night," Checkov declared, and there was open laughter. Then, the topic changed to Immogen's creative use of fencer's jock protection, a change for which Spock was thankful.

By mid-evening, everyone had run out of chips except for Spock and McCoy.

"More beer for us!" Kirk had yelled as soon as he had gone out, tossing a can to the other two. McCoy looked bitter, and nursed his whiskey.

"This is impossible," McCoy snapped eventually, "It's like playing against a computer."

"I am not a computer," Spock stated mildly.

"Well you're not exactly human either," McCoy countered angrily.

"I am exactly half human."

"You think you're funny, don't you," McCoy accused.

"I do not intend— "

McCoy stood up and walked around the table. Spock got to his feet.

"You think you're so smart with your logic and your numbers, and everyone feels sorry for you and thinks you're so cute, but I know better than that. I know you think you're better than us pathetic humans."

Then, it was as if something inside McCoy snapped, and he lunged towards Spock. And in Spock's mind, there was no doubt as to what the logical reaction was. He stood completely still. He felt McCoy's fist hit the side of his face, and then his chest, and then his face again. He tasted blood, and closed his eyes.

"Bones, Bones," he heard Kirk yell shakily, "You've had too much to drink." Spock knew Kirk was just trying to give him an excuse to back down. McCoy had not had very much to drink at all. Spock felt Kirk push McCoy away. He opened his eyes. Kirk and McCoy were arguing in the corner.

"_...don't know what he's doing here ... doesn't belong ..." _Spock heard, _"... can't just exclude people ... no one else has a problem...just you, Bones ...not any excuse anyhow..."_ they continued. Finally, McCoy walked out the door.

"Let me walk you back to your quarters," Kirk said to Spock once McCoy was gone, "Unless you want to go to sickbay."

"I have had enough of doctors for the evening," Spock replied.

They walked silently for awhile, before Kirk said,

"I'm sorry he treated you like that, if I'd known I never would have out you two together."

"It is not your fault," Spock replied.

"It kind of is," Kirk said dejectedly, "I thought he would change. I never really believed that racism was real, I thought that if people just got to know each other ..."

"Maybe we still might learn to get along," Spock replied, trying to comfort himself as much as Kirk

They walked a bit farther in silence.

"You know you can press charges," Kirk said suddenly.

"I will not," Spock replied immediately. He wasn't sure why he felt this way, but he thought it might have something to do with not wanting to hear McCoy justify his act.

"In that case, I will confine him to quarters and warn him that if he does anything like this again, I'm throwing him off the ship ..."

"That sounds reasonable," Spock responded.

"Possibly by putting him in a pod and sending it to an ice planet," Kirk continued with a hint of a grin.

They reached a junction, and Spock went in the wrong direction for his quarters, explaining,

"I have to stop at Nyota's, as she is making Vulcan soup because I had a fight with my father and she thinks I am upset."

Kirk looked up at him wistfully.

"You can come in and have some," Spock said, "I am sure she made plenty."

"No," he said, shaking his head slightly, "That's just a really nice thing to do."

When Spock entered Nyota's quarters, she turned and stared at him.

"There was an altercation," Spock stated, as if that was all the explanation necessary. She looked at him for a second before she walked up and began dabbing the blood off his face.


	6. Chapter 6

There were twenty-one minutes and thirteen seconds left until the end of Dr. McCoy's shift. Spock hoped that he could kill the time until then. He crouched behind his console and repaired a broken panel, one-handed, as he dictated his report. He stopped when he heard Kirk's voice behind him,

"Spock, is that blood?"

Starfleet engineers usually avoided making substances blood red, but in Spock's case it could have been _High-Temperature Impulse Engine Lubricant_ or _Class Four Fire Suppressant_. He decided not to lie.

"Yes sir."

Kirk gave him a strange look.

"You ordered me to fix my console and then to start the incident report--" Spock continued.

"I also ordered all the injured people to go to sickbay."

Spock continued to turn the wrench in his good hand,

"I do not think I am that seriously injured."

"You're bleeding all over the bridge! Get to sickbay!" Kirk barked, turning to indicate Spock's console to a member of the repair crew, and then showing another a cracked vent. Spock got up slowly, to avoid jerking his arm.

"Found him mulling around the bridge, bleeding," Spock overheard Kirk say into a Comm. on the opposite wall, "... might be in shock ... let me know if he doesn't get there."

Spock walked to sickbay quickly. There was no point dragging. He couldn't plausibly kill nineteen minutes, fifty-eight seconds.

"I think my arm is broken," he said to the nurse as soon as he walked in.

"Genius!," he heard McCoy yell, "You should be the doctor!"

Spock looked at his arm and saw that a piece of bone was sticking out of a rip in his uniform. He quickly looked away.

"Take your shirt off and sit by the counter, and I'll be there shortly," the doctor continued.

Spock seated himself, and then pondered how would remove his shirt. From his field medic training he recalled that he should cut the shirt instead of pulling it over his head, and that a pain killer should be given first. But of course, he could handle the pain.

"Excuse me," he said to a passing nurse, "Can I have a pair of scissors?"

She gave him his second strange look of the day.

"The doctor told me to remove my shirt," he explained.

She gave him a last concerned glance, and then walked off and returned with scissors. Spock was relieved to see she also had a hypospray.

"Just relax," she said, giving him the hypospray, cutting the seams of the shirt, and then peeling the pieces off of the injury. The arm still throbbed a bit. Spock figured he'd been given a human dose of the medication, but didn't think it was worth bothing the nurse about. It wasn't the worst pain he had ever experienced.

"I'm surprised he told you to take it off, you're not supposed to do that," the nurse commented amicably, trying to explain her earlier manner.

"It is quite busy today," Spock replied, "He is probably distracted."

He didn't have the energy to ponder theories of ill-intent.

After what seemed like hours, but was actually thirty-three minutes and one second, McCoy got through the more urgent patients and came to see him. He started by examining for other injuries.

"You are intoxicated," Spock stated weakly, as the doctor leaned in to examine his pupils. In his current condition, Spock found the smell of his breath very offensive.

"I didn't know I was going to be on duty until the ship flew smack into a spacial anomaly!" McCoy spat angrily, as he looked into Spock's ears and then felt his head for bumps.

A few responses occurred to Spock: that it was 900 hours, that it was Tuesday, that he had checked McCoy's schedule in order to avoid him and he was on duty, but he didn't say any of them. He didn't want to start a conflict.

McCoy continued the exam, moving down the neck and to the shoulders. Spock looked up to find McCoy staring at him. It took him a minute to realize what he was staring at. A set of deep, green nail marks started at the top of his shoulder and ran all the way down his back. McCoy chewed his lip and then traced the marks with his eyes, a look of pure disgust on his face. He gave one last scornful glare before reaching for his stethoscope.

"It's just a broken arm," he said eventually, "I'm going to push the bone back in, and then one of the nurses will do a cast."

Spock nodded. McCoy began to push the bone, and his arm began to look strangely warped.

"Most humans prefer to look away," McCoy added, "The stretching of the flesh can be disturbing."

Spock turned his head away pointedly. The manual had said nothing specific to humans. He felt a sharp pain followed by the sound of cracking.

"There we go," McCoy said, rubbing his hands together and walking off. A nurse came in and dabbed away the blood before binding the arm.

*****

Walking to his quarters, Spock saw people stare at him. They had lent him a jacket at sickbay, but his cast hung out, there was blood smeared on his face and he was limping slightly. He struggled to hold a collection of PADDs, which he was bringing back to finish his report, under his arm.

For a minute, Spock imagined he was Kirk. When people stared, he would smile back at them.

"_Someone_ had to save the ship," he would say with a roguish wink. He would revel in the attention.

Intentionally, he would struggle with the PADDs, and someone would come to help him. Maybe a girl trying to get his attention, or an ensign hoping to learn his secret to success or a long-time crew member captured by his congeniality.

Spock shuffled through the hall, trying to avoid taking up too much space.

************************************************************************************************************************

_Thanks for all the reviews (even the constructive ones), I really appreaciate people taking the time to say they read the story_

_Also want to note that both times I've broken bones I've panicked so much I had to be sedated, so there's probably some glaring innacuracies in what happens above :)_


	7. Chapter 7

Spock sat on his sofa wondering what to do next. He had gone to the bridge, only to be sent off for the second time of the day, and had spent the afternoon doing paperwork. Now, his arm was starting to ache badly enough that he was having trouble concentrating.

He thought of Nyota, but couldn't think of a reason to go see her. Spock always needed to have a reason, no matter how trivial. He always made sure to have a question to ask, a PADD that needed signing or something to give her. He had once tried telling her that he just wanted to see her, but the words wouldn't come out.

After a few minutes of pondering, Spock did something he had never done before: he dozed off. It was twelve hours, twenty-four minutes until his scheduled sleep period, but he felt tired and thought that maybe the blood loss meant he needed extra sleep.

A few hours later, his door opened and he awoke with a start.

"I'm sorry," Nyota stammered as he turned and looked at her, "I didn't think you would be sleeping."

"It is outside of my scheduled sleep period," Spock replied, "So it is not sleep I need anyhow."

"I brought you dinner," she said, "I didn't see you in the mess hall, so I thought you might not be up to it. Jim said you seemed a bit off"

Spock felt embarrassed. He wondered how many people she had told that he wasn't up to dinner. But it was a nice gesture.

"Thank you," he whispered.

He got up and unwrapped the package she had brought, and saw that it contained a few samosas. He grabbed a fork, speared one, and began taking small bites. Nyota began to laugh.

"I'm sorry," she said, "That just looks funny."

Spock gave her a disdainful glare,

"Sometimes I think you bring me finger food for entertainment."

"Not this time," she laughed, "I just asked for something vegetarian and easy to carry."

"But the time you brought popcorn?"

"Perhaps I was still mad at you for wanting to return to New Vulcan."

She walked behind him and began stroking his ears, as if to say she was still proud of him for his decision to return.

"Would you starve before touching food with your hands?" she asked teasingly.

"Would you starve before eating spaghetti for breakfast?" he asked, mocking her tone.

She laughed.

"No, but I'd be pretty damn hungry."

Spock finished off the samosas, and went back to the sofa.

"I was thinking we could watch the chess championship," Nyota said, sitting next to him.

Nyota had never been into chess, and had quickly bored of his interest in it. She was being nice again.

"You dislike chess," Spock said.

"Yeah, but you're hurt, that means people have to be nice to you," Nyota replied, sidling up to him.

Spock wished that were true.

"Actually," he said, "I am quite tired. I would like to go to sleep now if that is okay with you."

His arm was hurting badly, and he wanted to get to sleep before it got any worse.

*****

Spock lay on his back and Nyota unbuttoned his shirt. She removed it, gingerly peeling it off his injured arm and straddled him. Leaning in to kiss him, she whispered,

"You know what happened today?"

"No, what?" Spock asked.

"Ensign Jameson asked me out."

She said it in a way that made it clear she found the idea laughable. Spock snaked his good arm around her waist jealously.

"Really?" Spock asked. She nodded and began tracing one hand along the waist of his pants.

"He said that the ship being in danger had made him realize that he was in love with me and he wanted to pursue it."

"And what did you say?"

"That I was indisposed ..."

She started giggling slightly.

"I do not see what is amusing."

Nyota unbuttoned Spock's pants and put her hands inside.

"Well ... to start, he's shorter than me and younger than me ... and to be honest, not very attractive ..."

She paused and gave Spock a deep kiss.

"... and not very bright or mature ..."

She began to kiss him more heavily. Spock tried to respond, but his arm felt like it was being punctured by shards of glass. She looked down at him, disappointed.

"I apologize," he whispered, "I am in a lot of pain. I suspect Dr. McCoy did not give me the correct dose of pain-killers."

"Then why didn't you correct him?" she asked indignantly, "Or go back and get some more later?"

Looking into his eyes, she saw the answer.

"Oh Spock," she whispered, "There is nothing to be ashamed of ..."

*****

Once again, it was time for Spock's scheduled call with his father. This time, he didn't stop to compose himself. There were two days until the ship arrived at the Vulcan colony, so he knew he would have to tell his father about Nyota. He thought it might be easier if he just dove in.

"Father!" he said as soon as he turned on the Comm. screen.

"Hello, Spock," Sarek replied. Looking at the screen more closely, he asked,

"What happened to your arm?"

"The ship hit a subspace disturbance, and I had to go inside a ventilation conduit and disconnect the secondary plasma manifold in order to prevent the ship from being flooded with toxic gas. The ship shook when it was disconnected."

While this was essentially true, Spock had left out an important detail. That he had panicked slightly. There had been some adrenaline in his system when he had pulled the cables, so he had not thought that, logically, the ship would shake, and logically, he should brace himself.

"And why did they send you?" Sarek asked, with the faintest hint of concern in his voice.

"I was the first one to realize why life support was failing. I felt it was best to act immediately."

"You should not be taking such risks, especially considering the circumstances," Sarek stated gravely.

Yes, best let a bunch of humans get hurt instead, Spock though bitterly, but didn't pursue it.

"And why are the plasma manifold disconnects in a ventilation shaft?" Sarek continued, "On Vulcan ships they are more central."

"If there are any Vulcan engineers still living who want to explain how to draw the lines out further without falling prey to transwarp interference, I am sure Starfleet would be pleased to hear it," Spock snapped. Then, he added quickly,

"Father, I have something to tell you."

Sarek blinked.

"Go on, son."

Spock paused, trying to decide what to say.

"I ... I have taken a mate. I have invited her home when I come to visit."

Unfortunately, there was no Vulcan word for 'girlfriend'. Spock certainly wished he could have used something less descriptive.

"Why have you done this?" Sarek asked. Spock froze. He had prepared for a variety of possible responses, but had never expected to have to explain himself.

"I ... I ... found myself ... in need ... of companionship," he whispered, struggling to get the words out.

"I thought we had taken care of that!" Sarek declared.

Spock remembered that day well. The day he had looked up at a girl and been attracted to her. He had huddled in his room, ashamed, until his mother had pried what was wrong out of him. And then, she had _laughed_. Told him that it was nothing to be embarrassed about. Told him that it was only natural.

But it wasn't okay with Spock. He didn't want to be normal. He wanted to be like his peers, tall and pale and _clean_. So he had spoken with his father, who had given him the answer he wanted. He had taken him to see the senior clerics. The ones that knew how to fight off Pon Farr.

They had given him a talisman that was supposed to improve his powers of resistance. He could hold it, and meditate, and when he did, he felt he could resist anything in the world. But when he had put it down, he felt weak again. Spock hadn't used it in years, but he still kept it in his drawer, just in case the shame came back, just in case he woke up one day, unable to look at himself, covered in filth.

Spock faced his father bravely,

"I guess it did not work-- and that it not what I meant."

There was a strained silence.

"Who is this woman?" Sarek asked.

"Nyota Uhura, she is— "

"I met her when I was aboard the Enterprise. I wish you would have told me."

Spock wondered why. So he could interrogate her? Get to know her? Throw her out the nearest airlock?

Sarek's face was inscrutable.

"I wish you had not done this," he said finally, "But I will expect her when you come to visit."

"Good night, father."

"Good night."


	8. Chapter 8

"Spock, I need your help with something," Kirk said quietly, tapping him on the shoulder. Realizing he was trying to be discrete, Spock closed up the panel he'd been working on and followed him wordlessly towards a cargo bay. When they got there, Kirk entered his code and waited until the doors closed behind him before speaking,

"We need to get the shuttle loaded with the supplies we're bringing down to the colony tomorrow."

"Is this a secret?" Spock asked, a little bit confused, "Certainly the entire crew knows that bringing aid is the reason we are visiting Vulcan."

"But they don't know the nature of what we're bringing."

Spock cocked his head curiously, and looked at Kirk, who was wearing a very business-like expression,

"What exactly are we bringing?"

"Mostly pharmaceuticals," Kirk replied, "It's not that I don't trust the crew or anything, but some of it has street value, and I don't know what I'd do if something went missing, so it's best to avoid the situation altogether."

Kirk said this rather quickly, as if it had been a difficult decision to come to.

"Street value?" Spock asked.

"Like this," Kirk replied, shaking off his secretive demeanor and giving Spock a bit of a wink, "I tried this once at a brothel on Rondax III."

Kirk pulled a vial of white pills out of a box and brandished it,

"I tore three ligaments, and got that rotator cuff injury, mind you-- "

"The one you claimed you got golfing," Spock stated with slight amusement.

"Yeah, that one," Kirk continued with a smirk, "I always thought you doubted my story. But man, it was some night."

Kirk gave the tube one last glance and put it back into the box with a shrug,

"But I wonder why the Vulcans want it?" he mused, "I mean, I it must do something different to them. And they sent ten milligram tablets, even octogenarians don't take that much ..."

"It does not have a different effect," Spock said suddenly.

"Why, have you tried it?" Kirk teased. Spock did his best to give him a dirty look.

"I mean biologically, there is no reason it should."

"Okay," Kirk joked, "I will try and purge the image of half the Vulcan elders getting randy with the other half of the Vulcan elders from my head then."

Suddenly, Spock became serious.

"If I told you something, would you promise to keep it to yourself?" he asked Kirk nervously.

Kirk looked a bit annoyed at this question.

"Have I ever told anyone anything you've told me in confidence?" he demanded.

"This is a different type of confidence," Spock spoke in monotone, "Something that is potentially politically sensitive. Something you cannot reveal even if it you feel it is in my best interest."

Spock suspected that more than a few fights with Nyota had been resolved by Kirk relaying pieces of their conversations to her.

"I will not tell anyone," Kirk replied simply.

Spock inhaled sharply,

"This ... this ... is difficult to explain..." he stammered before composing himself, "Do you know how Vulcans reproduce?"

Spock turned to look at Kirk, trying not to let his embarrassment show.

"Well, babies get delivered by storks or grow in cabbage patches, or something like that, from what I've been able to get out of you."

Spock ignored the jibe and looked pointedly over Kirk's head.

"It is a lot like what happens to humans, except there is a mating season ..."

"A mating season?" Kirk looked genuinely curious.

"Yes, and Vulcans – full Vulcans that is," Spock added, answering Jim's inevitable next question, "Cannot mate outside of the season."

"Can't or don't want to?" Kirk asked.

"They cannot physically perform," Spock stated.

Kirk seemed to find this piece of information alarming. He stacked a few boxes before continuing.

"And when is this mating season?" he asked, with a bit of a twinkle in his eye, as if he was planning to attend—or force Spock to.

"Every seven years."

Kirk looked shocked for a minute or so, and then there was a look of realization on his face,

"I see, and they asked for stimulants so that they can start re-populating sooner."

Spock nodded,

"Some couples have conceived using other methods, but it has not been very effective."

Kirk posed to speak, but then stopped himself, and started with the boxes again.

"On Vulcan, before it was destroyed," Kirk asked finally, "Would people always have children seven years apart?"

Spock paused, embarrassed, trying to think of a good euphemism,

"That was uncommon. As with humans, mating does not 'take' every time."

"So Vulcans don't really have siblings," Kirk mused curiously.

"Not in the way humans do," Spock snapped. Kirk was encroaching on a fear that had been bothering him for some time.

"But they will on New Vulcan," Kirk said quietly, "That's a bit sad, isn't it."

"I do not see how it is sad," Spock countered. He knew plain well what Kirk meant, but wanted to avoid it.

"I mean, you've told me so many stories about growing up in a big extended family and being the only kid and getting a lot of attention and stuff ... and that's not going to happen anymore ... it'll be more like humans with one or two parents and lots of kids."

"It will be a very different world," Spock agreed mildly, "But it might be for the better, I am having trouble imagining social change for the worse."

"Spock!," Kirk chided, "I know they've mistreated you, but they can't possibly be that bad."

Spock shrugged and recorded the latest box Kirk had moved on the manifest.

"And it's still sad, isn't it."

Spock agreed, but didn't say anything.

*****

A few hours later, Kirk and Spock were still loading boxes. Kirk was lifting them into the shuttle and with his good arm, Spock was photographing them, scanning them and adding them to the manifest.

"How do you think Nyota's going to like your father?" Kirk asked.

Spock bristled. He wished Kirk would stick to the easy questions.

"I am concerned, but she is trying to convince me not to be," Spock summarized the best he could.

"Nothing a blowjob can't solve?" Kirk asked with a wink.

Something inside Spock didn't quite break, but began to bend and sway a little.

"Why do you always trivialize ..." he demanded and then trailed off.

"Trivialize what?" Kirk asked pointedly.

_My feelings for her_ had been the original end of the sentence, but now Spock was too ashamed to say it.

"My relationship," he replied finally.

"Your relationship," Kirk repeated.

Spock felt nervous, and internally began to chastise himself. Why had he picked a topic he was so uncomfortable with to lash out about? He didn't think he could ever explain it to Kirk. How he had never wanted to sleep with her in the first place. How he had been so ashamed of his desires. Their love had seemed so good and pure he hadn't wanted to mar it with bodily contact.

Being her instructor had been the perfect excuse. Spock thought he might have been too afraid to get involved with her if there hadn't been that rigid rule separating them. Of course, she had resisted it, suggesting that they indulge, just a little, just once. But Spock didn't trust her desires. She didn't truly want him to defile her? Spock couldn't quite reconcile their beautiful friendship with his ugly, burning desires.

Of course, once he returned to the ship, Spock couldn't depend on the rules any longer. In a small way, Kirk had saved him. On his first day back, before he had even had a chance to speak with Nyota, Kirk had cornered him.

"Tell her you couldn't do it," he coached Spock, "Tell her you couldn't leave her."

"There were a number of considerations--" Spock had replied, but Kirk had cut him off.

"Just tell her you couldn't do it," he had insisted, "Trust me on this one."

When Spock entered Nyota's quarters, she was angry.

"So you're back," she had said lividly with pursed lips, as if she was expecting him to tell her that he had only left because the Vulcans had rejected him. Spock's mind went blank, but then he remembered what Kirk had told him.

"I could not do it," he had said, "I could not bring myself to leave you."

"Really?" she had asked, her voice softening substantially.

Spock nodded, and then realized that he had told the truth.

"Oh Spock," Nyota had whispered, burying her head into his chest.

Eventually, she had brought him into her bedroom. She had turned out all the lights, even the ambient ones that simulated what humans considered to be dark. She seemed to realize that Spock was self-conscious about his body. She stripped down and removed his clothes in what he thought was a very efficient fashion. Then she lay in bed and pulled Spock down on top of her.

At first, it felt like nothing different, they were just lying in bed and kissing like they always did, but soon Spock was raging. He entered her without really thinking, without really considering the consequences. She moaned, and he kept kissing and pumping, faster and faster, harder and harder until he was enveloped by a cloud of ecstasy. Spock rolled off and clutched on to her, almost afraid she would leave because she was disgusted by what he had done. But she put her arms around him and nibbled at his ears.

The act had quelled Spock's rage, but not killed it, and Nyota sensed this. She pulled away and mounted him. The second time, Spock was less reserved. He touched every inch of her body. Under his breath, he growled.

"You love me, don't you," Nyota had whispered afterwards. It was more of a statement than a question, and Spock didn't answer. Instead, he pulled her as close as he could, and kissed her shoulders lightly.

Spock worried that when he woke up, he would be awash in shame, but strangely he wasn't. It had been dark, and it had been the middle of the night and they had been alone. No one would have to know. And disconcertingly, a part of him, he assumed a human part, felt almost proud of what he had done.

When Nyota awoke, she smiled at him.

"You know you're still in trouble," she had said as she kissed him and ran her hands across his body. Spock wasn't worried. Any trouble that involved her smiling while she touched him was something he could live with.

In the cargo bay, Spock stared Kirk down. Then he made a sudden realization.

"You are jealous," Spock spat.

"Am not," Jim said, turning to lift a box.

"Then why are you so obnoxious about her?" Spock demanded.

" Okay, okay ... _maybe_ ..." Kirk lifted his hand, and gestured 'a bit'.

"Why?" Spock asked a little more angrily than he intended, "You can have any girl you want, why focus on the one ..."

"That is not true," Kirk interjected, "I can have any girl that wants me. That just happens to be a lot."

Kirk smiled proudly to himself, as he said this, but his expression darkened.

"Then why do you not pick one of them?" Spock snapped. Kirk looked at him incredulously.

"Spock, I am not after your girlfriend. It's just that all the girls I get don't actually like me. I mean, they like me because I'm a starship captain, or before that they liked me because I was a 'bad boy', but they never actually like me. And sometimes, I just wish I could meet – not your girlfriend in particular, but, you know, the sort of girl that makes you soup."

Spock pondered this. He didn't feel particularily sympathetic, but perhaps he was still worried about Kirk making a pass at Nyota.

"At the Academy," Spock said finally, "I was approached by several students who made advances based on fantasies of sleeping with their professor."

"But they don't care which professor," Kirk said, "That's it exactly!"

He moved another box before saying,

"And you met a girl that wasn't like that. I think you've made me feel better, Spock."

Spock paused.

"Do you want my honest opinion," he asked Kirk finally.

"Why the hell not?" Kirk replied, throwing a hand over his shoulder.

"I think you do it to yourself."

"I know," Kirk said, "That's the worst part."

**************************************************************

A/N: I love reviews, even those of the "I assume this is in the alternate universe where" variety. Just thought I'd throw that out there :)


	9. Chapter 9

As the overloaded shuttle drifted towards New Vulcan, Kirk and Spock sat silently. Spock was sitting up straight, needlessly recalibrating the shuttle's forward thrusters and Kirk was sprawled out across two seats, fiddling with a trinket toy starship, bored out of his mind.

"How many buildings are there on New Vulcan now?" he asked Spock, having exhausted all the topics of conversation he found interesting.

"Almost two thousand, according to my father. The Andorians came by with a machine they use to rapidly build settlements on new colonies."

"How does that work?" Kirk asked slowly, holding the toy in front of his face and pressing the button that lit up the miniature nacels for what Spock knew to be the forty-third time.

"If we knew, the Federation would have them," Spock replied.

"Oh, right," Kirk said, as if he wasn't really interested the answer anyhow.

"My father is living in one of those buildings," Spock continued, "I am curious to see what it looks like inside."

Kirk wasn't really listening. He pressed a button that lit up a fake phasor beam and shone it around the ship.

"We should plan how we are going to unload all these boxes," Spock said, turning to look at Kirk.

"The Vulcans are going to use their own transporters once we get to the surface, they won't need much help," he replied.

"So once we have unloaded, I will meet up with Nyota and go to see my father, and you will return with the shuttlecraft," Spock verified.

"Eventually," said Kirk.

Spock blinked.

"What are you planning on doing on New Vulcan in the mean time?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Going to dinner with you," Kirk stated, continuing to play with his starship, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You cannot come to dinner with Nyota and I," Spock snapped automatically.

"Why not?" Kirk asked, putting his toy down and looking at Spock.

Spock thought that having Kirk around would not improve his father's mood, but didn't know how to say this. He stammered slightly,

"I am concerned that you might not make the best impression."

"You think I'll make a scene!" Kirk accused.

"Sometimes you do have a tendency to--" Spock replied slowly.

"When have I ever made a scene?" Kirk interrupted, "Certainly not since I became Captain. I've met with countless government officials, resolved dozens of conflicts, and you still don't think I can behave myself at a family dinner!"

Spock paused, concerned that he had managed to anger Kirk so quickly.

"I did not mean to imply that you cannot behave appropriately," he said carefully, "I just think it would be best if I were to focus on getting my father aquainted with Nyota. You were not invited."

"Spock," Kirk scolded, sounding more frustrated than angry "Let's say there's this guy that helped save you when your planet was destroyed, and then let you live on his ship for several weeks while you found a new home planet, and then offered your son a job after he had already left Starfleet, wouldn't you invite him over for dinner if he happened to be nearby?"

Spock froze.

"My father invited you?" he asked in surprise.

"He apologized that you had been so negligent," Kirk answered, "He said you had a lot on your mind ... not that I really would have cared, except you don't want me to go because you think I might start throwing food or something ..."

Spock felt embarrassed.

"I apologize," he said sincerely, "I should not have said that."

Shaking slightly, he continued,

"I ... am ...very ... nervous."

He forced the words out.

Kirk got up and sat next to him.

"It's okay," he said, looking Spock in the eye.

"I never thought to invite you," he went on, "You never invited me to meet your mother when we were on Earth, so I never considered ..."

It was a strange confession. That he didn't always know how to act around people. That most of the time, he just copied what everyone else did.

Kirk smiled, and said gently,

"The difference is that you've never met my mother. And she's not the ambassador to Earth."

Spock nodded.

"And I didn't see her when we were on Earth," Kirk added offhandedly.

Spock pondered what to say. He thought he had upset Kirk enough for one day, but felt compelled to say something.

"You should go see her," he protested softly, "In this uncertain universe you never know what may happen."

Kirk chuckled, but Spock could tell it wasn't an amused laugh.

"Now if there's one thing I'm certain of," Kirk said with a false smile, "It's that I never plan on seeing her again."

"Why?" Spock asked.

Kirk picked up his toy ship and shone the light around the shuttle a few times before answering,

"Because I fucking hate her."

Spock tried not to look unnerved.

"You see, mothers are supposed to be nice," Kirk leaned back, making long strokes in the air with his toy ship, like it was flying, "And even when you tell me bad things about your mom, you can tell that she really meant well, even if she didn't quite get it, but my mom wasn't nice like that at all. I think she kinda blamed me for my dad's death."

Kirk held the toy up to eye level and stared at it.

"And you gotta see that she's the sort of girl that's into status, so she wanted to marry my dad because she thought he'd be a big admiral or something, and then he dies, so she wants it to be her son. So she's always pushing me, and of course I'm resisting, because the last thing I want to do is listen to someone like her. So the next thing I know I'm driving a car off a cliff and robbing liquor stores."

Spock didn't know how to respond to this, so he kept quiet. Kirk looked up at the ceiling.

"You know, Pike was the first one to tell me that success was optional, that I didn't owe it to anybody, that it was for me. And it made me want to listen to him. So I tell my mom I'm going, and at first she's so happy, but then she tells me I better top everything to make up for being such a troublemaker, and then she says she doubts I'll do anything because I'm such a loser criminal. Never talked to her again after that. Second best decision I ever made after joining Starfleet."

Kirk grinned as he said this, but then fell back into his chair, and continued fiddling with the toy dejectedly.

"Well, you will always be welcome in my home," Spock said. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say, but he had heard someone say it before.

Kirk suspected this, and smiled slightly.

Looking at a display he said,

"One thousand meters to surface. What do you say, we land this thing?"


	10. Chapter 10

Kirk and Spock left the shuttle and walked towards the pre-arranged co-ordinates. Kirk was not quite himself, staring at the ground periodically and kicking it as he walked. Spock was walking more stiffly than usual, betraying his nervousness.

Finally, he saw Nyota in the distance. She was leaning on a tree and reading a PADD, her relaxed posture marking her as an alien. But she didn't seem as unusual as the tree. There had been no trees on the original Vulcan.

"I was starting to worry," she joked, mostly to Spock, as the pair had arrived only four minutes later than expected.

"Unloading always takes longer than expected," Spock remarked sternly and they continued walking.

As the tree passed out of sight, leaving the familiar desert, Spock felt more at home. But it seemed strange being with Nyota. Spock thought she looked too exotic, too provocative for the Vulcan soil. She had worn a long coat over her uniform, but flashes of leg were still visible as she walked and her face was made up and her hair styled. Her coat had a hood. Spock wished that she would put it up.

"Where's the crew?" she asked, making conversation more than anything.

"I booked a service project," Kirk replied, "Building a school or something."

She laughed,

"I thought that New Vulcan might not be quite the place for shore leave."

As they walked, Spock looked at their shadows reaching across the desert in the low sun. He saw two humans, perfect specimens and a Vulcan with a broken arm. They looked so similar, and he looked so different that he wondered if it would seem as if they were a couple. In a rare gesture, he reached out and held Nyota's hand.

*****

After combing the settlement, the three found Sarek's new home. Spock knocked on the door.

"Hello!," Sarek said, opening the door and motioning them in.

"This is Nyota Uhura and Captain Kirk," Spock introduced, hiding his nervousness.

"We have already met," Sarek replied, in a tone that bordered on cheerful, taking their coats.

"Yes, he was aboard the Enterprise for some time," Kirk chirped, with a bit of a smile.

Nyota approached Sarek and presented him with a gift. Art, especially with a familial theme was the traditional gift for a future father-in-law, but Nyota had thought that he might consider it frivolous given the circumstances, and had instead brought him a selection of warm winter clothes.

"You did not need to bring me a gift," Sarek stated, and Spock was not sure whether he meant that he was impressed that a human had thought of such a thing or that he had no intention of allowing her to become his daughter-in-law. Nyota caught the double meaning.

"Of course it was necessary," she challenged.

Sarek made a subtle expression, as if he had just realized the second meaning of his statement, but Spock thought it might be fake.

"Well, Spock always said you were ambitious," he quipped, taking her gift and putting it away to open later. Spock had said no such thing, but he was used to hearing his father tell such lies about his mother at diplomatic functions. Sarek had explained that attributing his sentiments to his wife made them more acceptable to Vulcans and lessened their impact on his reputation if they were found to be offensive, but Spock still found it dishonest.

"Would you like some wine?" Sarek asked Kirk and Nyota, leading them to the table.

"You have wine?" Kirk spat uncouthly.

"As ambassador to Earth, I have many human visitors, so I keep some on hand," Sarek responded, possibly accustomed to this question, "I have no moral objection to alcohol, it is just toxic."

Kirk smiled slightly.

"Now animal products are a different matter," Sarek continued, "There are no animal products within two light years, fifteen thousand kilometres and six meters of my home."

Nyota appeared to find this statement highly amusing and started laughing.

Sarek poured both humans some wine, and poured Spock some Romulan ale without asking if he wanted any. It seethed and frothed in its glass.

"I hear you were on Earth a few weeks back," Sarek stated, as he put down a few appetizers on the table.

Pitas and hummus. Breaded mushrooms. Veggies and dip. Human food.

"Oh, yes, we went to Kenya," Nyota replied smiling.

"What is the weather like this time of year?" Sarek asked.

"Good," she replied, "No monsoons."

"Spock dislikes getting wet," Sarek noted. This was true, although it was more the cold that bothered him. He would always have his towels ready and dry off as quickly as possible whenever he got out of the shower.

Nyota tittered.

"And where did you spend your shore leave?" he continued, turning to look at Kirk.

"San Francisco."

"I would ask you how the weather is this time of year, but it does not make a difference," Sarek said, to Kirk's amusement.

Spock had heard his father tell this joke to almost every Starfleet official that had come to his home. Of course, he had perfect memory of who he had told it to already.

They continued to banter as they ate the appetizers, the conversation not straying from what Spock knew to be familiar territory. As they talked, he could see his father inspecting Nyota. His eyes lingered on her earrings and nail polish. Uniform violations.

Spock knew she violated policy to show off. She would never do it when it was dangerous, when her earrings might get caught or her nail polish might chip off and damage machinery, only when it didn't matter. It was as if she was daring the academy to kick out their best student or the captain to punish his best officer, which they never did. Spock knew her behaviour showed an inherently bad quality, but he found it thrilling.

Sarek got up to serve dinner when Kirk's communicator went off. He went into the corner and Spock could hear him talking rapidly. He came back to the table.

"I'm sorry, I need to go," he said, "Someone's been hurt doing the service project. Thanks for the snacks, Ambassador," he added.

"No trouble. Spock tells me that in Starfleet, you are always on call," Sarek replied, waving him off.

Spock followed him into the hallway to help him with his coat, and asked,

"Who was it?"

"Bones, dead drunk as usual," he snapped bitterly, not turning to look back as he walked out the door.

When Spock returned to the table, Sarek was chatting with Nyota.

"I visited Vulcan three times before it was destroyed," she was telling him, "Twice with Starfleet, and once for a high school competition."

"A language competition?" he asked, "I am sure you must have won."

She smiled.

"No, science," she said, "And the Vulcan team won, of course. But it was a great chance to travel."

"Have you travelled much outside of Starfleet?" he asked.

"Yes, with my sister's horseback riding. It's the sport to pick if you want to travel."

"Horseback riding?" Sarek asked.

"It's a sport where you ride an animal called a horse, and you get rated on technique, how well you can control your horse and stuff like that. There are also races and jumping."

"And you travel for these contests?"

"Yes," Nyota said, "The biggest one's held on Jupiter station. My sister goes every year, although my dad says it's just so that he can go to the beach and mom can go to the spa."

Spock wished he could signal her to stop talking. Competition in useless pursuits. Lying in the sun half-naked. Self-indulgence. Spock didn't know how she had managed to put so many things that would offend his father into a single sentence. Spock saw a look of distaste spread over his father's face. But, of course, Sarek had a strategy for this. He shoved a big piece of food into his mouth, and when Nyota looked up, he was chewing.

"It sounds like you come from a talented family," Sarek said once he had composed himself, and Nyota beamed.

Spock made a fist beneath the table.

************************************************************************************

A/N: I know this chapter is a bit anti-climactic, but I think it's realistic. My original plan was to have Kirk behave inappropriately, distracting Sarek from criticizing Nyota, but I think he's more mature than that at this point in the story. Also, Sarek might actually be good at his job. Thoughts?


	11. Chapter 11

Spock was sitting at the table across from his father. They were playing chess. When Spock was growing up, they had always played in Sarek's fascinating study while his mother slept. Now it was Nyota who needed sleep, and they played at the kitchen table in Sarek's makeshift apartment.

As his father made his move, Spock sat nervously. Although the rest of the evening had gone without incident, he had no doubt that his father disapproved of Nyota. It was as if the room was filled with glass. Spock was worried that if he moved slightly, it might shatter.

"I wish you would pick a less dangerous profession," Sarek commented, as Spock lifted his bad arm and rested it on the table.

"It is not that dangerous," Spock countered, tired of his father pursuing the subject.

"Compared to what?" Sarek asked.

This was a good point. It was safer than mining or working on a private ship, but not much planetside. Spock picked up a piece and moved it, not giving much thought to strategy. He had been able to easily beat his father for some time.

"It can be logical to take risks," Spock said finally.

"But is it in this case?" Sarek retorted.

"While it is riskier than civilian professions, the majority of Starfleet personnel lead long and healthy lives," Spock recited from memory, a bit flippantly.

"Spock!" Sarek scolded.

"I am satisfied with my career," Spock said finally, "Risk is not a sufficient reason to change it."

Sarek moved a pawn and Spock captured it.

"I ... I do not understand why you want to be a part of Starfleet in the first place," Sarek wavered slightly.

"I have explained this to you before," Spock said a little too harshly, starting to become frustrated, "I think that Starfleet is a good use of my talents."

"But not the only use of your talents. You cannot deny that the Vulcan Science Academy was better suited for your skills."

Sarek picked up a bishop, and then decided on the knight instead.

"I admit there were other considerations."

"Like what?" Sarek demanded.

"Discrimination, " Spock spoke softly.

"Do you not also experience discrimination in Starfleet?" Sarek asked.

This was true, but it was the attitude that made the difference. In Starfleet, the majority of people tried at least tried to treat him well, even if they failed miserably. Mentioning his heritage in a public forum, like the admissions ceremony at the Vulcan Science Academy, would have been unthinkable tp anyone in Starfleet.

"They make an effort," Spock stated.

"So did the Vulcan Science Academy."

"Not a very good one."

Sarek looked at Spock. Spock looked away and captured Sarek's knight.

"Spock," Sarek said slowly, "I just never saw you as the sort of person who would join Starfleet."

"All sorts of people join Starfleet."

"But you are more of an ... intellectual. I always imagined you would spend your life thinking deep thoughts, not shooting Romulans."

"The two are not mutually exclusive," Spock snapped.

Sarek leaned forward and captured one of Spock's pawns. Spock captured one of his in return.

"But you would be able to devote more time to research without your other responsibilities."

Suddenly, Spock was sick of logic. He stood up.

"Twice, I have been offered the opportunity to stay on Vulcan," he yelled, "and twice I have made it clear that I wish to spend my life elsewhere. Why will you not respect my decision?"

Sarek indicated the room where Nyota was sleeping, and signalled Spock to be quiet. He stopped yelling and sat down. Sarek looked a bit sheepish and paused.

"My father spent his entire life in our family home on Vulcan," Sarek said finally, "As did his father, and his father. I assumed it would be the same with you. I never thought that I would have to deal with you leaving."

Spock looked up in astonishment.

"I imagined at this age," Sarek spat, "I would be spending too much time caring for my grandchildren, not watching the news to see whether or not you have been killed."

Spock felt ashamed of his outburst. He lowered his head, not sure what to say.

"I do not truly expect to change your mind on this matter," Sarek continued, "But I want you to be aware that if you ever do want to return, I have connections and there will be opportunities available for you."

For a minute, they say silently, ignoring the chess board.

"You do not like her, do you?" Spock spat out, his head still lowered. He wasn't sure why he had picked this moment, except maybe he felt that the ice had been broken.

"No, I do not," Sarek admitted. He restarted the chess game by making a move.

Spock considered asking why, but decided not to.

"But more importantly," Sarek continued, "I do not feel that she is well-suited for you."

"Why not?" Spock asked.

"What do you really have in common?" Sarek asked back.

Spock thought about this.

"We are both in Starfleet," he said carefully, "We are both dedicated to our careers." Spock paused, and then added shakily, "And she is very kind to me. She is so much like mother."

"No!" Sarek barked, "She is not at all like your mother! Who had never planned to leave the planet before she met me. Whose only ambition was to be the best grade two teacher she could be."

Spock posed to speak, but Sarek motioned him to stop.

"It is evident that your Nyota has a high opinion of herself, and ambitious plans for the future. I do not know her as well as you do, but I suspect that she is kind when it suits her."

Spock didn't know how to respond to this.

"Spock," he continued, "You need to be aware that I made a lot of sacrifices to be with your mother. Strangers would criticize me as I walked by. Many of my relatives stopped speaking to me, and I did not get to see them before Vulcan was destroyed. And being married to a human was not easy. I could tolerate everything about your mother, but there were many things that I could never come to accept."

"Do you regret marrying her?" Spock asked with a touch of anger.

"Regret is a human concept."

"I did not ask whether regret is a human concept," Spock persisted.

"It is," Sarek stated, "Because I do not believe that I had a choice. Considering how I felt about her, I do not believe events could have unfolded in any other way."

"Then why do you ask me to act differently?" Spock spat, his anger mounting.

"Spock!" Sarek snapped, "You are so much stronger than I was. When you were young, the thoughts you had, they were too old for someone twice your age. Even with your human mother, you were so much more advanced than your peers. I never thought you would find yourself in a situation like I did, making sacrifices for your emotions."

Spock was enraged.

"My whole life I have been the advanced one. The well-behaved one. In return, I get told that every new thing I try is unlike me. That it is unexpected that I would do that same things that everybody else does without even being noticed. I want her, and people act surprised. Say they do not believe me. Muse behind my back about how they must have misunderstood me. I want her! Why do you insist on telling me that I am too strong for this?"

Spock was shaking as he said this.

"You need to calm down," Sarek whispered.

When Spock's breathing had slowed down, Sarek continued,

"I am not trying to discourage you. I am being honest. Even now, after your mother's death, people still reject me. They are happy to take my expertise, but will not sit next to me at the theatre. I sold everything to to be with her, and now she is dead."

Spock looked at him for a minute, and then whispered,

"So you understand what it is like to rejected."

Sarek nodded.

"So then, you understand why I had to leave."

Sarek looked away.

"I always wanted to have more children than just you," Sarek said slowly, "But your mother felt it was unwise, considering that it was still unknown how hybrid children would turn out."

"Did I pass?" Spock asked bitterly. Sarek gave him a sharp look.

"I will not dignify that with a response."

He continued,

"So, I thought there might be a silver lining in all the horror, and once I had recovered somewhat, I went to see the matchmaker He gave me one name, but she would not meet me."

"Perhaps she had already found a mate," Spock suggested.

"I returned to the matchmaker, and he told me that many women were reluctant to meet a man who had been with a human."

This disturbed Spock slightly.

"You might meet someone rebuilding," Spock put forward, not quite sure how to respond.

"That is a human concept," Sarek stated, "But one I have considered."

"You have someone particular in mind?"Spock asked, a bit surprised.

"There is a woman who is a page for the council. She is much younger than I am, outside of the range that the matchmaker would have considered."

"How much younger?" Spock asked.

"She is twenty-five."

Younger than he was. Spock had to remind himself that there was no Vulcan taboo against large age gaps, it was just a matter of logic: she would outlive him substantially.

"She has rejected five mates from the matchmaker so far, so I suspect she might be open to alternative methods of finding a partner."

Spock tried not to think about this too much. Half of him was worried that she would reject his father. The other half worried that his father would charm her pants off.

"My point is, though," Sarek continued, "That the difficulties of marrying a human have outlived the marriage."

Spock raised an eyebrow and looked at him disdainfully.

"But there is nothing I can say that will change your mind about Nyota, is there?"

"I do not believe so," replied Spock.

"I do not like her," Sarek said finally, "But it is your choice to make."


	12. Chapter 12

Spock awoke to the sounds of Nyota making breakfast. His father had gone to sleep in his chair, but Spock had become accustomed to sleeping lying down and had spread himself across a sofa.

"Does this taste okay?" Nyota asked, indicating a pot of sauce on a burner.

Spock took out the spoon, tasted it and nodded.

"Good," she said, "I can never really tell."

As he set the table, Spock pondered what to say to her. He didn't want to tell her the negative things his father had said, but if she asked, he didn't think he could lie.

Sarek looked surprised when he saw breakfast on the table. While it was traditional for Vulcan guests to prepare the morning meal, Spock couldn't remember a single human guest doing this while visiting his father. It required going through his fridge, which they considered rude, and getting up early, which many humans disliked.

"Ba'toga, Spock likes that," Sarek commented when he saw the dish she had made. Spock resisted the urge to correct him.

They sat and ate for a few minutes before Sarek turned to Nyota and asked politely,

"Do you have any plans for this afternoon?"

"Well, we were going to take a look around the colony."

"Make sure you see the legislature," Sarek stated, "Some of the paintings on the walls were donated by well-known human artists."

"Really?" Nyota asked demurely, "What ones?"

Spock ate while Nyota and his father talked.

After breakfast was finished, Spock put on his boots and helped Nyota with her coat. His father walked up behind them. He looked reluctant, but stepped forward and presented Nyota with a gift.

"Thank you," Nyota said in perfect Vulcan, not skipping a beat. She tucked the package under her arm, smiling slightly.

"Live long and prosper," Sarek said as they walked out the door.

*****

Spock and Nyota walked down the hall without saying a word. When they were out of earshot, Spock asked,

"What did you think?"

"He seems really nice for a Vulcan," she replied.

Spock stopped and stared at her.

"I didn't mean that," she stammered after a minute, "I just meant he was really nice."

But of course, she had.

Spock started walking again and, looking forward, said,

"My father stated that he has reservations about our relationship."

"I suspected that," Nyota replied.

Spock was deciding what to say when she added,

"But you told me how conservative he is. I expected that he would dislike anyone he hadn't hand picked for you. It was nice that he was civil, open to meeting me."

Spock stayed silent, not wanting to lie, but not sure how to respond. He didn't know how to tell her that his father's disapproval went deeper than her being a human, went deeper than her being a mate of choice. And with that thought, he knew that he could never tell her, because deep down he knew that everything his father had said about her was true.

"Perhaps, with time, he will become more open to our relationship," Spock said finally, which wasn't exactly a lie.

*****

Spock and Nyota were walking down the streets of the colony, looking at the new buildings. As they passed, people stopped and stared. Spock figured that some of them might have never seen a human up close before, and Nyota was dressed far less modestly than any Vulcan. And he supposed that they might be staring at him as well. He was aware the he looked as alien to Vulcans as he did to humans.

As they passed a building with a big front window, Spock saw someone he recognized.

"That is Mrs. Telak," he told Nyota, "I was not aware that she is still alive."

Nyota looked confused, so he elaborated,

"She was my pre-school teacher. I would like to go see her."

Nyota nodded.

As they entered the building, Spock was surprised to see that the floor was covered in Vulcan infants. They had ears that looked too large for their blank chubby faces, and sat together in clumps of two or three, each group looking in the same direction. They were completely silent.

"Psychic abilities are particularly strong at this age," Spock found himself explaining.

"You mean the ones that are touching each other are talking?" Nyota asked, awed.

"As much as infants have to say," Spock replied.

She smiled at the crowd as he said this.

The old woman walked up to them, and looked at Spock for a minute before saying,

"Spock! I did not recognize you. You have grown so much."

"Only as much as expected," Spock replied. Nyota tittered.

"Of course, your father has told me everything about you. He says you are the first officer on one of the most important ships in the Federation." She said this as if it were something to be proud of.

"That is accurate," Spock replied.

"This is my mate, Nyota Uhura," he added, indicating Nyota who had been standing a bit uncomfortably during the conversation.

"How nice," the woman responded sincerely, giving Nyota a nod.

"I see you no longer teach preschool," Spock stated, looking around the room.

"There are not any children on the colony old enough," she said a bit wistfully, "But fortunately, I have been able to apply my skills to younger children. A lot of families need someone to watch their children while they rebuild."

It was only then that Spock realized he was looking that would have been unthinkable years earlier: a Vulcan daycare. Now, the extended family that would have looked after those children were all dead.

Spock heard an infant give out a mewling sound, and soon they were all wimpering in sympathy. Mrs. Telak walked around the room, putting her hand on each child's forehead, trying to find the one who had started it.

"That's so cute, how they're all crying because one is," Nyota smiled.

The old woman finally came to a pair of babies and found the right one, and picked him up. The room was silent again.

"Poor So'Tan has been having stomachaches all day. He is not improving," she said. After prodding the boy for a minute she asked,

"Would you be able to watch them for a minute while I find his mother?" Spock nodded.

He and Nyota looked out into the sea of faces.

"They're so sweet," she breathed. "But look at that one," she indicated the baby next to the one that had been picked up, "He's all alone."

He did look dejected, struggling to pull himself over to the nearest group. Spock walked over and picked him up. He tried to balance him on his broken arm, but was unsuccessful. Nyota ran over and took the infant from him. He began to cry.

"He has likely never encountered a being he cannot communicate with before," Spock explained, moving one of Nyota's hands to his forehead. Slowly, he stopped crying and she gasped.

"He likes me," she said smiling, "He is so calm and happy for a little guy." Spock could feel this through the air.

Nyota bounced the baby in her arms. It was a strange sight, Nyota laughing while the baby kept a completely straight face. But Spock could feel his joy bubbling.

"Spock," Nyota joked, "Can we keep him?"

She put the baby's cheek against hers and continued,

"I bet having a kid this age is such a nuisance, the parents wouldn't even mind if we took him."

She clutched the baby to her body, as if she were trying to hide him.

"I suspect you are not the master kidnapper you think are," Spock stated, and Nyota laughed.

She moved close to Spock and kissed him, and as she did, he heard the door open.

It was something Spock would never forget, the expression on his former preschool teacher's face upon finding her former charge kissing his mate while carrying a current charge.

But it was a good moment.

*****

Nyota and Spock were taking the shuttle back to the ship. Spock was in the front seat, and Nyota was siddled up behind him, stroking his ears.

"Would you stop fondling my ears?" he asked in an almost joking manner.

"Well—I would be fondling other things, but there's a Comm. channel that could open at any minute," she replied saucily.

Spock looked back at her, and she stopped.

She went to the back of the ship, and noticed the package that Sarek had given her and opened it. Then, she began laughing hysterically.

"I'm sorry," she said, still laughing, "Just here's a guy that knows how to be subtle."

Spock walked back to see what was in the package.

"You see," she said weakly, "We have a pair of earrings."

She held them up.

"Because you always wear earrings," Spock guessed.

"And here's a scarf," she said holding one up.

"Because he thought you should have had your head covered when you walked in."

She looked at him.

"Do you think I should have had my head covered?" she asked quietly.

Spock paused.

"Honestly, yes," he answered finally. She ignored this.

"But here's the kicker," she continued, "A business card for a genetic counsellor."

She started laughing again.

"And he put a note on the back saying that this guy's a good friend of his, and will see us free of charge."

Spock was suprised at his father's audacity. He was pretty sure he was just oblivious and thought it was a logical gift, considering his desire for grandchildren, but the possbility that he was trying to drive off Nyota crossed his mind.

"My father might not be aware," he stammered, "that the gift is in appropriate."

"But only logical," she replied, smiling and looking him in the eye.

And he knew what she wanted him to say, that it might not be time yet, but next time they were on Earth, they should at least go and find out their options.

But he couldn't.

"Nyota," he said softly, "I want you to be aware that I have mixed feelings about having children."

She looked at him.

"I can excuse my parents and say that they did not know what I am going through," he elaborated, "But I know what I am going through."

Nyota sat next to him put her arms around him.

"When are you going to be okay with yourself?" she asked sadly.

****************************************************************************

_A/N: Starting to wrap up here. Only one chapter left, be sure to tune in :)_


	13. Chapter 13

Spock followed Nyota into her quarters. He stood with his hands behind his back as she put away her things. They sat at the kitchen table silently, and Spock rested and thought about the visit.

"Are you sure your father not liking me doesn't bother you?" Nyota asked suddenly. She gave him a worried look as she said this.

"It bothers me," Spock replied sharply, but he felt the need to elaborate.

"I will tell you what I told my father. That I do not believe at this point that anything will change my mind about you."

"You actually said that?" she asked in surprised, her tone changing.

He hadn't actually said the words, it was his father who had asked the question, but he figured that it was close enough. He nodded.

"Oh, Spock," she said softly, walking over and putting her hands on his shoulders.

"I feel the same way," she whispered into his ear. She looked into his eyes for a moment before she kissed him.

It struck Spock that this wasn't a time for talking. He put his arms around her and pulled her in towards him.

"You love me, don't you," she whispered, and he clung to her tightly, kissing her hard and tearing at her clothes.

*****

Dr. McCoy was hurt badly. He was off-duty, recovering in sickbay. Kirk seemed to miss his friend, Spock had heard him call down at least three times that first day back.

"I still have several broken bones, and I still can't move," Spock had heard him snap back the third time, possibly amused that Kirk had asked him for his status.

Later that day, Spock went down to sickbay to inquire about getting his cast removed, and he overheard the two arguing.

"Drugs, religion, counselling, I don't care how you do it!" he heard Kirk yell out. The doctor mumbled something in return.

"Yes, you do have a problem," Kirk exclaimed, "You just staggered off the top of a four-story building!"

More mumbling.

"Think about it, Bones, why do you think your wife left you in the first place?"

No answer.

"I'm not going to be able to cover for you forever," Kirk continued, "There was that nurse who found the bottles and I'm sure that some of the construction crew doubts that you were just ill. Eventually, it's not going to be up to me what happens to you!"

There were a few exchanges that Spock couldn't make out, and then Kirk came storming out.

"Spock," he said in surprise when he saw him. He looked worried.

"I just walked in, I did not hear anything," he said, and he could tell that Kirk knew he was lying. Kirk nodded gratefully. Spock continued,

"I just came to see whether my arm has healed sufficiently to have the cast removed."

"No!" Dr. McCoy yelled from behind the curtain.

*****

Spock rifled through his dresser drawer, until he found what he was looking for. His talisman. He remembered to the millimetre where he had put it, but over the months, it had shifted between his folded clothes. As he touched it, he felt an overwhelming calm.

He stopped himself.

He hadn't used it for years. He had decided to stop using it. He didn't want to use it.

He wrapped it in a cloth before he held it in his hand.

Spock started feeling nervous as he approached sickbay. He told himself that his feelings were illogical, that the doctor was incapacitated and wouldn't jump at him, but it didn't help. Spock wouldn't admit to himself that he was afraid of what Dr. McCoy might say when he confronted him.

In a burst of courage, Spock pulled back the curtain. The doctor looked at him.

"I brought you something," Spock said, having no idea of where to begin.

"And what would that be?" the doctor demanded, accusatorially.

"A Vulcan artifact," Spock stated.

Thankfully, Dr. McCoy didn't look angry, he looked confused.

"Why would you bring me a Vulcan artifact?" he asked.

"It improves one's powers of resistance," Spock answered.

He watched as 's expression turned back to one of anger.

"So you're trying to push your Vulcan mumbo-jumbo on me?" the doctor asked suspiciously.

"It is not mandatory," Spock stated, stepping forward and putting the talisman in its cloth on the bedside table.

"If you want to use it, hold it in your hands, and think of something calming, like waves on a beach."

"And this actually works?" Dr. McCoy demanded.

"Sometimes," Spock replied, "Depending on your determination."

McCoy looked a little resigned, like he had heard that before.

"Well that's not –" he started, but Spock cut him off. Suddenly, Spock felt courageous.

"I did not come here to have an argument," he stated calmly, "And I am not forcing you to accept my assistance. But you need to be aware that while Captain Kirk may be reluctant to take action against you, I am not."

"You would go against the captain?" McCoy asked, stunned.

"No, I would not go against the captain. I would simply tell people what I have observed. I am certain if I told the other doctor, she would feel compelled to act as dictated by medical ethics. And if I told the crew, some might feel compelled to act in a way that would improve their safety."

"What did I ever do to you?" the doctor demanded. Spock resisted the urge to answer honestly.

"What I am concerned about is hundreds of Vulcan children not being crushed to death by an improperly constructed school," he spat. He figured moral outrage was a better story than trying to save Kirk from himself. Then he felt ashamed of that thought.

"So it's all about protecting your own," McCoy chided, as if the thought made him happy.

"You endanger everyone," Spock countered, "You endanger yourself. You endanger everyone on this ship."

And then Spock's courage left him. He slammed the curtain closed and walked out of sickbay before he had a chance to hear the doctor's response.

*****

Spock walked into Captain Kirk's ready room. He had invited him in for drinks. When Spock got inside, he was surprised to see the Captain drinking a cup of coffee.

"I'm quitting to set a good example," Kirk said when he saw Spock eyeing the mug. Spock nodded.

"How was your visit?" Kirk asked as Spock sat down.

"My father did not approve of Nyota, as expected," Spock stated flatly.

"That's too bad," Kirk said, looking into his coffee.

"He reminded me a bit of my mom," Kirk added slowly, "Whenever I had anyone over, she would always cut up fruit and talk to them nicely, and no one would ever believe anything I said about her, because how could someone who cut up fruit and took an interest in your day be a bad person?"

He looked a little bitter as he said this.

"No offense or anything," Kirk continued, "But I kind of got a little bit of that from your dad. I mean he hardly even looked at you. He didn't ask a single question."

"That is because he never likes the answers," Spock spat without thinking.

"That must be hard," Kirk said. He threw back his coffee as if he wished it were whiskey.

"Do you think I'm a coward?" he asked suddenly, "For not seeing my mother ... because it's so difficult."

"Do you think you are a coward?" Spock echoed back.

Kirk smiled a bit over his mug and said,

"I guess that's the important question, isn't it?"

They sat and talked as the ship moved away from New Vulcan and into space.

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A/N: That's all folks! I know there's a few loose ends, but life doesn't always tie things up neat and tidy, and I might want to do a part 2 :)

If you haven't had chance yet, please take a minute and write a review. If you like it, say you like it, if you don't like it, say you don't like it, if it was only so-so, say what you like and what you didn't. I really appreciate the feedback.


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